last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
