I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
