Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
