this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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