Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
