she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
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