fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
