at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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