I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
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