That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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