Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
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am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
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I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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