It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize