Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
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