he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
