one two three fourrrrnication!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
