Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
