The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
