I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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