i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
