I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
