he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
