Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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