guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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