Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
