p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
and you fell through a lawn chair
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
