You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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