Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
