Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
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