evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Randomize
