Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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