his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
