oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
