You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
