well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
