He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
