We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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