apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
