hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
