Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
