Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
