Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
