i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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