I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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