Swine flu is the new snow day.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
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I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
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She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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