smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
