Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
