he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
