just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
