I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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