I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
