Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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