The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
