Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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