one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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