am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
