I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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