I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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