Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
